I am.
Who's going to regret it in the morning?
I am.
Who doesn't care because she knows she can just get coffee?
Me! Besides, there's plenty of time to sleep when you're dead.
That's right - I, the queen of going to bed early and getting up late, just said that. Prepare for the Apocalypse, everyone.
Anyway...
If you have been reading all my blog entries (and I salute you if you managed to get through all the books I wrote) you may remember the little fiasco with the ants that happened a couple weeks back. But the truth is that ants, while being the most annoying little @#%$&*$%^*#&@!*$%^@#&&#*$s on the planet, are neither the creepiest nor the most vile critters I have had the misfortune to encounter.
Firstly, there are the mosquitoes. To put it mildly, I would like them to all please just drop dead. I AM NOT FOOD! Stop hovering suspiciously by my leg! Happily, it is starting to get colder here, and they are all dying off. Muahahahahahaha...
Next... I have lizards in my house. They're really little - about five inches long or so - and sometimes they make loud and shrill chirping noises that you can hear across the house. But they're not annoying, because I named them and that automatically makes them adorable. :D The one who lives in my room is Haixiu (Hai-shoo), which in Chinese means shy. Every time he sees me or anyone else he disappears in a split second. Neither he nor any of the other lizards bother anyone simply because they are so shy (aka terrified) of people.
Bats, however, are a different story. There are a couple of rooms in the house where the wall doesn't go all the way up to the ceiling (I think it's for ventilation, because it gets so hot here in the summer), so bats can just fly in whenever they want. Of course, having incredibly bad memories, they often cannot figure out how to get back out. Every once and a while I will walk in the door and have a random "brown scary" whiz past my head. The first time it happened I couldn't figure out what it was because it was flying so fast.
Okay, so there's a bat flying up by the ceiling. He can be dumb all by himself; he's not bothering me. No big deal, right?
Right....
The other night I was in the big room my family uses for showers, and I had just finished washing my hair. I go to get my towel, happen to look up, and see that there is a confused looking bat flying in frantic circles up by the ceiling. Great, there's a bat in my shower. That's the second worst place in the house a bat could be.
But still, no big deal, right? They're more scared of us than we are of them.
Wrong.
As soon as I had reassured myself with the though that bats are afraid of the big bad humans, the thing freaking nosedived at me. I instinctively threw my towel up to block it, but it still managed to fly around the towel and come at me from the other side. I flailed around until it flew back up to the ceiling... and of course, I had a few choice words to say. Luckily I was the only one home so no one was around to hear me. And the first swear out of my mouth was a Chinese one, so I guess that means the language is starting to become automatic. But that bat owes me money for watching me shower.
Bats aren't the only nasty thing I've found in the shower room though. One evening I walked in to find the biggest spider I have ever seen just calmly sitting on the floor next to the water bucket. It was maybe three quarters as big as your average tarantula. I'm not even kidding. I wanted to take a picture, but for some odd reason I didn't have my camera in the shower that day (you know, I usually bring it, but this time I forgot). Besides, I was slightly more focused on getting rid of this giant thing than preserving the memory of it. But instead of doing the smart thing and spraying it with water from the showerhead, which was completely within reach, I grabbed a stool and tried to hit it with that. The spider was wicked fast and it disappeared before I could kill it, which was utterly fantastic because then I knew there was a huge spider in the room but I had no idea where. Luckily, spiders are apparently more scared of me than bats are, so it didn't show itself again. But it's still somewhere in the house... O.O
I did some research, and the brown huntsman spider fits the description - it's common in Taiwan, it likes to come indoors, it's incredibly fast, and it's the right size and color. According to the all-knowing Internet, it will bite if provoked, and it can actually jump out at people. The bites aren't fatal to humans, but that's still enough to make me seriously consider skipping showers. Or at least taking a firearm with me when I do take them.
This is a picture of a brown huntsman from the Internet, and it looks very much like the one I saw:
Gahhhh. :S On the bright side, huntsman spiders are expert cockroach killers, and despite the presence of so many other critters I haven't seen any roaches in my house since I got here.... And they must be doing some fighting, because I saw a smaller one in my shower just today that only had five legs.
I'm literally getting chills right now, so let's talk about something else. I haven't made a list in a while, so it's about time I do one.
Things I Discovered Recently, Mostly By Accident
1. Two wrongs may not make a right, but two stupids apparently make a smart. I had a little adventure after school last Friday. I won't go into details though, because I'm pretty sure my mom reads my blog and I don't want to give her a heart attack.
2. I'm starting to get cravings for American food. Don't get me wrong - Taiwanese food is delicious. But I would kill for some macaroni and cheese... or a taco... or even just a roll. That's all I want - a dinner roll. But try as hard as I might, I cannot find one in any store or supermarket in town. They just don't do rolls here, I guess. Luckily, Taiwan has pizza, fried chicken, and waffles... so there's that. But I still want a roll, and I am determined to find one somewhere on the island before I leave. And if I ever see a bag of Tostitos in the supermarket, they are MINE.
3. The world is so much brighter when I've had my coffee. There is a 7-11 across from my school that sells really cheap cafe mochas, and they are freaking delicious. I never drink coffee back home, but now for some reason I can't seem to stay awake in my morning classes without it. It's probably because I mostly have no idea what's going on, so there's nothing to pay attention to. And I don't get enough sleep during the week anyway because of my schedule. Regardless of the reason, at least there is coffee.
4. I go to a B.Y.O.T.P. college. Once you figure out what that means, you can understand my feelings of chagrin and surprise at a critical moment on the first day of class. :S
5. Ghost photos are very easily faked. Here's mine:
Tell me, how many people do you think I could get to believe this is a ghost? If I (theoretically) posted it on some Internet forum site, and said it was a picture of one, how many people would be that gullible? I'm halfway tempted to do it just to find out.... Social experiment, anyone? :D
6. Time flies. Not like a bird - more like an F-14. I just realized yesterday that I've already been here for a month. My exchange is about 10% over, and that's blowing my mind. Of course, it also means that I still have 90% left to enjoy!
7. Taiwanese boys are really, really shy. Here's what happens at school on a daily basis: I'm walking to class, or maybe to lunch, and I see a group of anywhere from three to ten guys all looking at me and giggling (giggling). One of them will get brave and yell "Hello!" after a couple seconds of staring. I smile, say "Hi!", and wave. They then collapse into more fits of laughter and giggling, and every time I catch one of them looking at me he will turn his face away and get really red. It's kind of cute, actually, but I still don't understand why they are so shy!
8. Taiwanese girls are not nearly as shy. Almost overnight, I've become part of a great group of friends. <3 They're all English majors, so they can practice their English on me and I can practice my Chinese on them. Plus they can teach me more vocabulary, because my Chinese is way worse than their English! They're so eager to help me out, and I feel like school is already starting to be very comfortable because of them. We went to the beach the other day, and the night market the day after that, and I haven't had that great of a time in a while. We took lots of pictures (correction: we passed around Winnie's camera, because she's the one who's good about that sort of thing) and they're all over Facebook because I'm too lazy to upload them here. Trust me though, it was fun!
In conclusion, enjoy this photo of Lisa's latest escape attempt. My host sister and I both have minor injuries from having to catch him today. This cat is vicious when he smells freedom.
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